Yesterday was supposed to be a really nice day for my 14 year old daughter and I. We had plans to go to the farmer’s market, health food store, a book store and then go out for a nice little vegan lunch at my fave lunch place (as per our vegan cleanse: www.project21days.blogspot.com we are on day 13, I can’t believe I’ve made it this far!).
So there we were enjoying ourselves when my phone rang. I picked it up and it was H. She’s screaming and crying into the phone “If you don’t send me money I’m going to f***ing kill myself”. She’s repeating the same thing over and over and I can’t get anymore info out of her.
She hangs up then calls me back 2 seconds later. H says that her bf took her purse and lost it and now her meds are gone, her passport and the two cheques she had in there. I tried to get more details but she was slurring her words and not really making much sense. She said she wasn’t out drinking last night but the bf was. (It’s funny though looking at her facebook she was up all night. She even sent me a message saying not to worry she was fine) She said the bf was out but I could hear him in the background, then she screamed at me to give her some (insert more swear words) money or she’s going to finish this. She’s tired, she can’t be there. Hangs up again.
By this point I am standing in the middle of the sidewalk thoroughly confused and upset, trying to comfort M because she’s now crying. This time when the phone rings it is the bf. He says that she lost her purse and she was drinking all night and she’s freaking out and he doesn’t know what to do and he’s damn well slurring too. So I lost it. I ended up losing my mind and screaming at the top of my voice, in the middle of the sidewalk in the little corner of the world that I call hippie heaven. I told him that I was fed up and sick and tired of the both of them. That neither one of them could be believed because everything that rolled off their tongues came from their addictions. I yelled that she could cut herself to ribbons and he could jump in the river and drown and I didn’t care…That I was done. So I hung up again and went and had lunch with M.
Because I had turned off my phone at this point H had to leave a message the next time she called. It was quite the message. She told me that was fine when I got the call saying she was dead that I would have the pleasure of knowing it was my fault. All she wanted was some money or a bus ticket to come home for a week but I couldn’t even do that for her. She told me that I was going to be sorry.
I’m not going to give you a play by play of any more of this crap. It’s nothing but depressing. When I confronted her on her manipulation she couldn’t see it. I sent my ex-brother in law over there to check it out. He said she was in the bedroom crying a little but she said she was okay just a little depressed. He said she seemed sad. They admitted that they had both been drinking and the bf apparently was screaming at her for losing the cheques.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her home, because it is going to be nothing but more of the same bs as last time. She’s going to want her way all the time, I’ll be getting full on manipulation for money and things and all her party friends are right here waiting for her. Plus she finally got herself enrolled in school…
I’m encouraging her to leave the bf. Obviously they cannot live together and are no good for each other. She can move in with her aunt or cousin temporarily until she can get settled on her own. I also reiterated with her that I cannot talk to her if she is using. I just don’t want to be part of it, and I don’t need the constant drama. And I told her that if she ever threatens to kill herself again I’ll immediately call the police to have them intervene. No playing around. I said it would be a good idea to get to a meeting and call her psychiatrist on Monday. I don’t know if she will follow through on any of this. As far as the missing meds go, she hasn’t been on them long enough to suffer withdrawals or for them even to really take effect so I’m not too concerned at the moment. I mentioned the trazadone (thanks EasyTiger!) which I take myself, as a substitute. We’ll see what happens. She’s calmed down and they are not fighting for the moment so that’s good, but I know it’s just temporary. I told her she can’t run away or rely on me to fix everything for her. The only change that will truly make a difference in her life is the change she makes herself…
I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I feel like I’m drowning…Thanks for listening everyone. You are all my saving grace on this path of pain.