and so it goes

Life in the face of your child’s addiction is like stumbling around in the dark never knowing when you are going to get tripped up or slammed upside the head.

She called today for the first time in almost a week. I had heard of her on Monday when the bf’s Mom called me. He had given her a story about H stealing his phone and taking off on Sunday evening. When I mentioned this to H she denied everything. Said she hadn’t been there since Friday or Saturday, that she was couch surfing. She told me that she had been kidnapped and held at knife point (at some point, not sure when this occured). I don’t know if I believe her or not and really does it even matter? If she is telling the truth, my advice (to go to the police) will be unwanted and unheeded. If she won’t listen what can I do? I told her to go to her aunt’s where she would be safe and she told me that she’d think about it. She wanted some money of course.

Do I sound cold? I’m not really. The only way I can cope with any of this is to tuck it away into a corner of my mind and lock it up tight. I need to cut myself off from her emotionally. I don’t know if she’s seeing her psychiatrist or taking the meds. That part of the story changes all the time. She’s lied so much…

The Al-Anon meeting I went to was okay. It would be nice if I could find one where there were more parents of adult alcoholics/addicts. Everyone there had issues with their spouse. I’ll try a different meeting next week.

Thanks for listening.

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7 Responses to and so it goes

  1. susan says:

    Much love! I wish I could offer some great insight but words fail me. Keep trying the Al Anon meetings. You will find one that fits you perfectly!
    You do not sound cold, you sound full and there is nothing wrong with that. You know what you need to manouver through this, listen to that great big inner voice, you have it, I’ve witnessed it!
    You are your family are in my every thought, I know you know that.

  2. heathersmom1 says:

    You don’t sound cold, you sound smart – smart to take care of yourself b/c the insanity can suck you right in before you know it.
    Keep trying the Al-Anon meetings – I actually have gone to 7 different meetings at various times/days, but there are 2 that I like the most – Monday night and Friday night. I have found that even if others are sharing and they do not have an adult-child (is that right???), that I still find pearls of wisdom.
    Sometimes just knowing I am in a “safe” room is enough for me.
    Love & hugs.
    God bless.

  3. Kristi says:

    I ran into the same problem with the al-anon groups I tried a few years ago. It’s just different when a person is dealing with a spouse vs. Your child….I’ve dealt with it from 3 angels – I’m the daughter of an alcoholic, I was married to one and I am the mother of an addict. Neither of the first two compare (for me) to the hell I’ve lived through as the mother of an addict. However, I’ve seen so many people that have gotten healthy through attending al-anon so I believe it can work. Keep searching and as the others have said, you’ll find a group that’s a good fit for you. I’m so sorry things are so rough for you right now but that you, H and your family are in my prayers.

  4. Erin says:

    You do not sound cold. Sometimes I think that we get to the point where we are numb emotionally and shut down for a while. I’ve had trouble finding a good al-anon group in my area as well, I wish I could I’ve heard wonderful things about it.

  5. You are not being cold. You are simply surviving by instinct. Keep going to the meetings. I believe and have faith that God is going to provide you much needed comfort and peace.

  6. Barbara says:

    Cold? No. Wise? Yes. Its a no win situation when dealing with an addict that is actively using. Its self preservation to distance yourself.

    I know what you mean about that type of AlAnon mtg. with mostly spouses….its so much more helpful to be with other parents, its not the same at all as dealing with a spouse. I hope you can find one.

  7. JJ's Mom says:

    You don’t sound cold. This may sound cold, but I know in my heart that I would not put up with the lies, deceipt, pain, fear, etc. from a spouse. Only my child can abuse me repeatedly and I am still here. I am not trying to judge anyone, I am just saying that I would not put up with this from any one other than my child. I wish I had the courage to not put up with it from him.

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