Living on a prayer

Consider this advance warning that this post is seriously depressing. If you are depressed yourself or tend to get angry at people who are feeling down in the dumps, then please don’t read this…

I’ve been told that my medical EI claim will be denied because I am short 3.5 hours. Can you believe it? I don’t know what I’m going to do. My husband doesn’t make enough to carry the household bills and then there are the bills directly related to me and my children. Medication and instrument rentals, my student loan etc. I guess I can forget about the massage and physio I’m supposed to have weekly!

I’m worried and I’m scared. What began with tingling in the hands and feet progressed to numbness and pain in all four limbs and the left side of my face. Now my left leg gives out if I walk longer than 10 or 15 minutes and it’s beginning to have muscle spasms. My vision is blurry. I am so exhausted by early afternoon that I can barely function. These are just a few things challenging me right now. Thankfully, my crohn’s is dormant at the moment.

I can’t go back to work right now. There is no way I could do my job. And because I am casual my employer will not give me any modified shifts. Actually, given the way that I am feeling, the meds that I’m on and the fact that I’m CRYING at least three times a day; I don’t see how I could do any job.

We will lose everything. I need a miracle.

H is not calling very often. Of course, her phone isn’t working since I haven’t paid anything on it. Given the nature of her relationship with the bf at the moment that worries me a little but there is nothing I can do. She started school yesterday and sounded pretty upbeat and positive when I talked to her at noon. Supposedly she is not using, is going to meetings and doing what she should…I hope so.

I feel like I can’t bend anymore. This time I’m going to break.

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11 Responses to Living on a prayer

  1. Helga says:

    I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. Please don’t despair. You are a wonderful person, and I know that you will bounce back. I would tap into every resource available. Call your creditors and ask to make smaller payments at this time until you get back on your feet. Check with local authorities for some temporary assistance. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.

  2. heathersmom1 says:

    I wish I could give you a big hug! I haven’t been on the blogs much lately (busy/stressed with things not relating to my daughter), but I continue to pray for all my blog friends – you and H included – daily. Prayer works I know! God just doesn’t always work on our timeline, but trust He is working! I agree with Helga to call the companies and see what they can do, I always figure if you don’t ask you won’t know. My friend called her largest one and they realized they were better off working with her. Who knows?
    I will continue to pray, but specifically for your health and finances. When my husband and I had financial difficulties (this was about 9 years ago) my mom would say, see all these birds out there, God is taking care of them and think how much more He loves you. That always gave me comfort, I hope it does you too. Though I so wish you weren’t going through this at all!
    Love & (((BIG HUGS))) to you C.

  3. MommaBear says:

    OMG Carolyn, I can so relate to the financial aspect of it.. I hope that something good come your way soon and that you find some kind of respite.. Take care.. Love MommaBear.. Like I said call me or text me any time..

  4. Barbara says:

    Oh no! Carolyn, I am so sorry to read about your health problems and your insurance and financial problems which just add to health issues by causing stress! I wish there was something I could do to help. Are there any avenues you can go down to try and get them to give you your insurance…. 3.5 hours too little is just not right!!!! 😦

  5. kris says:

    I am so sorry that a mere 3-5 hours is tripping you up.
    Please take the best care of yourself that you can under the circumstances. Make a plan to do something stress relieving every day – (simple and free) sit in the garden, take a drive to a park. Time for yourself to regroup AND no worrying. Bring a book to distract yourself.
    I take my dogs for a walk everyday, no matter what. I listen to a book on my ipod and usually forget about everything for an hour. Sometimes the walk is the best time of my day.
    When I was struggling financially, I learned that my creditors were much happier hearing from me than when I ignored them. They just wanted to hear that I was aware of my debt to them and that I would try to repay it in a timely manner.
    I wish you luck in sorting it all out.
    xx kris

  6. Works Aside says:

    I’m sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. It sounds as if everything has come together in one big load. Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. You are in the middle but as each day passes you are heading to the end of this and the start of something new. And better.

  7. Barbara says:

    Thinking about you. Keep us posted on any changes. There must be a solution for this, I am hoping and praying there is.

  8. VJ says:

    I have been a place where I thought their was no hope and I was too tired to go forward. I even began thoughts of ending it all but God sent me help and I accepted it.

    Wait patiently and doors will be opened.

  9. peglud says:

    Carolyn – so sorry to read of your most recent health and financial issues. I’m adding you to my Prayer Box (see my blog post about this). Things have got to get better – they can only move up, right? Thinking of you, Peggy

  10. I’m so sorry to read that you are in this “stormy” part of your life. Don’t give up, even when you feel there is no hope, I promise you that things will turn around. I keep you and your family in my prayers. I know good things are just around the corner for you. God bless you.

  11. Cheri says:


    I am so sorry you are having such a rough time of things. I wish I could give you a big hug. I know I’ve been quite scarce lately, but I’ve been getting your blog post updates in my email, and I’ve been praying. I finally got the book off to the publisher, so I can be around more . . . at least until I take a job to help hubby with the bills.

    Just wanted to say hi and to let you know that Glass House is praying for H and her fresh start in school, and for all the health issues you are battling at present, as well as the financial situation you are under.

    Love, hugs, and prayers,
    Cheri and Wayne

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