Pull out some hope for me

I don’t even know where to start with this one…I spoke to my daughter yesterday. She was at her aunt’s having lunch then going to school to finalize things for the fall semester. She sounded good. Said she was going to a meeting later. She asked me to email her old resume which is on my computer. I said I would.

So all seemed well. Later that evening I got a text asking for $20. I said no. She said okay. According to the bf they were walking to H’s grandfather’s house after the meeting to meet her Dad. He had said that he would give her $75. When she called he said he didn’t have it maybe next week etc…Well she was really hurt because he always promises stuff and then doesn’t follow through. She started crying and getting really upset. So the bf gets on the phone and starts to yell at her Dad for being irresponsible and her Dad threatens the bf who threatens him back and by this time my daughter has completely fallen apart. So they call me and I finally get her calmed down a little and get him to relax a bit when she starts to cry again. Apparently her Dad is calling or texting every 2 minutes. I tried to tell her that she needs to stand up to him otherwise stuff is going to keep happening. Then her Dad called me…It took me two hours to get him to stop crying. Yes he had been drinking but he wasn’t drunk. He had gone to his Dad’s to borrow the money for H since he didn’t have it and his Dad (who is a big jerk) ran him over the coals telling him that his children were a lost cause and he was too. They got in a huge fight and my ex left without the money for H needless to say. So he was crying about his Dad’s coldness, the way he’s hurt his daughter and other children, he misses his Mom (who died in May), he’s worried about the growth in my lung and my other health issues….He actually admitted to me that he was emotionally abusive to his gf, H and myself (physically and finacially as well in my case). I tried to tell him to get help. I gave him some ideas of were to go but I doubt that he’ll listen.

At 11 pm her bf called to tell me that they were in an ambulance! She had taken a bottle of tylenol, 1/2 a bottle of advil and cut her wrists. Her bf broke down the bathroom door and found her in there with blood smeared all over the walls.

I spoke to her this morning. They’ve got her hooked up to an IV and are trying to minimize damage to her liver (which is actually already damaged). They’ve formed her (I think it’s form 33) so she can’t leave until released. They want to assess her. Thank God. She’s upset about it but I tried to show her what a positive thing it is. It doesn’t mean she’s “crazy”, she just needs some help right now.

It’s impossible to remain detached in this situation. I’m not even sure how to begin…

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5 Responses to Pull out some hope for me

  1. Kristi says:

    I’m very sorry you and H are going through all of this. I think detachment has to do with the behavior, not the person….I struggle with detachment myself. I am praying for you and H. I hope she’s better soon!

  2. Lisa C says:

    Don’t confuse detaching (not taking responsibility for her and her choices) with loving her. She needs you to love her and care about her and you need to love her and care about her for you. You can do that and stay “detached.” I am sorry that you are going through all of this; but I agree with you, maybe some additional, professional help for her will assist her in improving her situation and her focus on life.

    You are in my thoughts and my prayers. Hang in there.

  3. Dawn McCoy says:

    wow. hard one. i am so sorry you are going through this hell.

    a few thoughts….

    suicide attempts are usually a call for help. she is getting some, that is a GREAT thing.

    one thing i have always thought, and it’s rough, as are most of my thoughts, … sometimes it’s a good thing to artificially ‘raise their bottom’. if, in popular science and belief, an addict does not ever embrace recovery till they ‘hit their bottom’, then why not make the bottom a little easier to hit?

    sounds harsh and perverse. it is.

    i think it would be a good thing to visit her. to love her. but, not so much to baby her.

    i know, i know…shaking my head, she tried to KILL HERSELF, this is my baby (you are thinking) and I WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE HER FEEL LOVED AND WANTED.

    nodding….

    a few alternatives. conversational snippets so to speak.

    of course i love you, how could i not love you, you are incredibly lovable.

    i think perhaps you have not been happy for many years. it is possible that the underlying causes of you using is that you have never been happy.

    lots of people are happy. maybe its a good idea to stay in a psychiatric hospital for a bit and let them help you find out why you have been so miserable, maybe there’s like a chemical thingy in your brain that hasn’t worked for a long long time and you were trying to find your own cure. maybe they can help you find a cure for what’s not happening right and you can be the girl you have always wanted to be sweetheart.

    other than that, i really don’t know what to say.

  4. beachteacher says:

    I am terribly sorry to hear all of this…..it’s very hellacious for you to go through. I would say, listen to Fractal Mom. I hope that this is a turning point for the better for your daughter….and hopefully, even for her father. God bless you.

  5. Erin says:

    Oh, this is just awful, I am so sorry you are going through this. Praying for you and your daughter.

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