I just don’t want to know

That’s my mantra lately. I’m looking for some peace in my life and I can’t find it if I’m constantly being dragged into H’s drama.

And there has been drama. She’s called drunk, she’s called to say that her Dad took her last ten dollars, that her bf is using again, he’s mean, she’s leaving him and can she come home, on and on and on. Now to be fair there have also been some good calls and text messages. She’s signed up for school, she’s back to going to meetings, she’s going for a run or just back from the gym with her grandmother.

But you know what? I don’t want to be drawn in to any of it. Not even the good stuff. That might be hard to understand but I don’t want to get my hopes up again just to have them dashed, it hurts too much.

So for the time being I don’t call, I don’t text, I don’t ask. Sometimes I take her calls and answer her texts, sometimes I don’t.

I have to do things for myself. I need to take care of me. This is my life and I want to live it while I’m here to do so. Her life is her own. Yes I still love her, but I think I’m finally getting the detachment thing, at least a little. And I’m okay with it.

So there it is..whatever is going on, I just don’t want to know.

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11 Responses to I just don’t want to know

  1. Madyson007 says:

    I applaud you and it looks like most of us get there at some point in this journey…

  2. Madyson007 says:

    I applaud you…looks like we all get there eventually.

  3. Renee says:

    Sounds like you have hit your own bottom and are strarting to work on yourself and try to live your life with some sanity, because we all know what insanity addiction of our child brings to the parents! Good for you.

  4. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss!! Take care of yourself!!

  5. Dawn McCoy says:

    congratulations!!! you have achieved detachment. now, go live YOUR life!!! Way to GO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

  6. My mother did the same thing with me. She stopped calling. She stopped begging me to get help. She flat out told me that until I was clean, I could not be a part of her life. It devastated me and at the same time, made me furious with her. I could not believe that my own mother was giving up on me. Today, I’m so glad she did. It one of my turning points. I got help. I got clean. And now we are best friends!

    Congrats for being so brave and detaching. I pray that good things come to you 🙂

  7. beachteacher says:

    wow….you are inspiring. Thank you.

  8. HerBigSad says:

    YAY! Good for you!!! I hope you are feeling better these days, too. (You had mentioned some health issues, and I am praying you feel 100% again physically, SOON!)

    This detachment trick is kind of rewarding, isn’t it! (For us AND for them!)

    Hugs and prayers!

  9. tinhih says:

    cdcb, you may not WANT to know, but once that silence kicks in, you may experience the NEED to know. I think the ability to separate and initiate a life apart from your daughters addiction is amazing and makes you stronger and healthier. But I also think, as a mom, the silence will eat you up. Detachment can be obtained even through the lies, the manipulation, the whining….. at least you know. I can not explain what I am trying to say. I may have posted about this. But, I applaud your insight and wish I had more of it myself! Praying and hugging and hoping for the best!

  10. heathersmom1 says:

    I love this post. It is what I am trying to do too, and finding such peace when I am successful – which I feel lately has been more often than not. This post reminds me of one Lou at Subdural Flow (not currently blogging) wrote about a diagram of the drama, and to get out of it, to just take ourselves out of the diagram! (I’m paraphrasing.) When I read that I was like, aha!
    God bless. Keep taking care of you.

  11. Barbara says:

    I agree with all the great comments above! You are doing the best thing. I feel myself slipping backwards so your post here was perfect for me. Thanks!

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