I am crying as I write this. The tears are streaming down my face as they have been since the middle of the night. I couldn’t really cry earlier you see. You can’t cry when you have to be strong. You can’t cry when you have to keep it together for everyone else. But since 2 am while the house has been quiet, I have been able to cry.
H walked out of treatment yesterday. When she called I told her she could not come home. She has gone to a town farther north to stay with her aunt and uncle, they picked her up and drove her to their home. This is the town where her father and his whole dysfunctional family lives. And also where her boyfriend is in treatment. I talked to his mother this morning and it wouldn’t surprise either of us if he walked out as well.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to live this life of turmoil, hurt, worry and confusion anymore. My facebook status yesterday was one word “why?”.
My Crohn’s disease has flared up in the past couple of weeks and since yesterday’s events began the pain and digestive issues (to put it delicately) have ramped up to the point of no return.
As much as I love her I don’t want this anymore. I am tired. I may feel better tomorrow, but today I feel as though there is no hope left.
Thanks for listening.