Just when you think things are okay

H has still been calling regularly, but most calls have been okay. Just updates on what’s going on in her life and checking to see how things are at home. She spoke positively on her experiences thus far and seemed to have a different take on her future. Until Wednesday that is…

Wednesday at dinner I got a call from H. She was sobbing hysterically and saying that she was leaving. She told me that she was calling her father and going to stay with him because she knew she couldn’t come home. My stomach tightened and my heart started to race. It’s funny how we go from zero to sixty in 2 seconds when we get these calls from our kids. We had an earthquake on that very afternoon (5.5 on the richter scale) and I had the very same feeling. My center was shifting and I felt like I was falling.

Panic button pressed, alarm bells ringing, sirens screaming…

I tried to get her to calm down enough to talk to me. It took a few minutes but eventually it came out that she is having a difficult time with the other women in the house (with the exception of one, apparently). They are all much older than her which makes the situation more difficult for everyone, I imagine. They say she is a self-centered brat, she says they are mean, b***hes. But they seriously out number her (12 to 1, I think) so this is not a healthy situation. After me trying to talk rationally to her for about 5 minutes she hung up. There went my dinner. There went my evening. I tried really hard to detach from the situation but didn’t quite succeed.

An hour later I called the treatment center back. The young man that I spoke to said she was out. Panic again…Then he mentioned that she was at a meeting and that he had overheard our conversation and knew what was going on. He said that she was calmer when she left for the meeting and that he has been there for 5 months and been through some difficult times there himself. I asked if there was a counsellor on duty and wondered if they knew of the situation. He said he would let them know, in they weren’t aware of what was going on. By the time we hung up, I felt a lot better. I didn’t want to call the counsellor myself because IT’S NOT MY PROBLEM, right? But at least now I knew that they could intervene if they felt it was necessary but without my interference.

I didn’t sleep too well Wednesday night. Tossed and turned a whole lot. Tried to pray and turn it over to God. It was a bit of a struggle though.

I did speak to H on Thursday. She called to let me know that she was okay and felt better. She had gone to a meeting and then spent some time with her sponsor. She had also spoken to the counsellor. It seems that they must have spoken to the other women, because she said they are either being nicer or ignoring her altogether. She’s back to saying that she won’t stay longer than the original three months. We’ll see. Hopefully, she can get back on a positive track and look at things differently.

I’m just glad that the crisis has passed and that it was the only one this week. A small thing, but one that I am exceedingly grateful for.

On another note, I’ve updated my other blog about what else is going on in my life: www.asfarashome.blogspot.com

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Just when you think things are okay

  1. I’m so glad your daughter didn’t leave! Thank God. Keeping you and her both in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. MommaBear says:

    Glad to hear that she’s doing somewhat good.. It’s a hard age also because she probably just wants to fit in.. Keep your spirit up and I will say a prayer to God to intervene on your behalf! Love..MommaBear

  3. Barbara says:

    Oh boy, I can relate. My son called several times when he was in rehab threatening to leave. He got alone with everyone, and everyone liked him, he just felt like he had to run. I am glad the young man who answered was able to give you some peace of mind. One thing I learned (that I still have to remind myself of ALL the time) is that its not uncommon for my son to have a “temporary crisis”. His crisis would cause me to react and not sleep and worry etc, only to find out that by the next day (or less) the crisis mode was over and he was normal, but I was still freaking out thinking the worst. Its a roller coaster ride. I hope she stays there.

  4. Peggy says:

    Carolyn – in just reading this post, I traveled from 0 – 60 with you. I so identify with those panicky feelings you expressed. Hayley is in a treatment facility now, thank god. And even though I know she’s in the best possible place she could be right now, I can let myself jump ahead, and catastrophize in an instant. The stakes seem so high, when they’ve actually gotten sober and are making a sincere attempt at recovery. This is their chance, right? And, it’s a ‘safe’, structured environment for them to feel the highs and lows of life, to deal with difficult people, to learn the skills necessary to get them through life’s ebbs and flows. I’m telling you this, as I talk to myself, because I, too, worry so much about my daughter’s fragile, emotional health. Your daughter experiencing some temporary crisis and then, being able to successfully come out of it on the other side, is encouraging – and evidence that she is capable, given proper support and resources, of dealing with uncomfortable/challenging setbacks and issues. I am learning, also, that things unfold and eventually resolve on their own, despite my anxiety and worry. Hang in there. Thinking of you. Peggy

  5. Dawn McCoy says:

    Wow. Well, what I am going to say is not going to be very nice, or popular. But it was my gut reaction to reading your post.

    It reminds me of one of the times my daughter was in rehab, with the same exact complaint. I too, wanted to rush in and beat the crap out of those B****es.

    But, I talked to her counselor, and he explained a few things.

    There is NO BULLSHIT in rehab. The other residents/patients/inmates whatever they are called don’t put up with it from any other resident, and they call bullshit when it is used.

    Rehab is hard. It is supposed to LAY YOU BARE TO THE BONES. And, when it gets to that point, and the other residents start calling bullshit on the stuff you say about how it’s not YOUR fault, and how YOU are a good girl, and YOU just got mixed up with some bad people, or whatever….

    Yeah, they turn on you. They call BS and they call it loud and clear, because each and every one of them used the same exact excuses. It is entirely possible that your daughter, in fact, IS a self centered brat. And, if so, they are calling it the way they see it. Not that it is easy to hear, for her, or for you. Most junkies ARE self centered brats.

    If her rehab is a good one, this is a necessary process. They are trying to teach your daughter that the world is NOT a forgiving place, that no one is going to accept that she is a victim, and that her best and fastest way to sobriety is to grow up and accept responsibility for her actions and actively work a program and seek sobriety with every fiber of her being.

  6. heathersmom1 says:

    Phew! That was intense! I am so glad she stayed. I would have done the same thing as you – reacted the same way – BUT – God (through Al-Anon and other ways) has been teaching me not to worry that He is in control – by having MANY examples to me where I have worried about *whatever* and then with no help from me (just sick-stomach worry) the situation has resolved itself. AGAIN, I would have been the same way… just in reading your post I was right there with you and then when I saw how it worked out – I was like, okay another lesson that God is in charge! They’re everywhere!
    Anyway, I am so glad she stayed and sorry you had a huge scare. Try not to think about what she’s going to do (what about 2 months now?) months from now until much closer, for your own peace of mind.
    Oh, this comment from Dawn, “that no one is going to accept that she is a victim, and that her best and fastest way to sobriety is to grow up and accept responsibility for her actions and actively work a program and seek sobriety with every fiber of her being.” – Love it – my prayer for all our kids!!! That quote is the way to victory.
    Praying for you and H.
    Love & hugs.

  7. HerBigSad says:

    Oh boy did I hate those calls from rehab. And in retrospect, Dawn and Barbara are dead right…. by the next day, she couldn’t remember the crisis that cost me a night’s sleep, and they definitely call you on your bullshit in rehab. No one knows better than the other patients, when someone is trying to glorify, justify, etc. It was frustrating to my daughter that she was getting no sympathy from them for anything she used as an excuse. I found it refreshing to sit there and listen when they poked holes in her statements and rehab was one of the first places I began to have an inkling that this wasn’t entirely my fault. Hugs and prayers!

  8. Works Aside says:

    A great post and one we can all relate to. My heightened awareness means that I am now conscious of all the things that could ‘trigger’ Hannah into using again. Your daughter rode this wave – if she can do it once, she can do it again. I can well imagine how you must have been consumed with worry after that phonecall – another lost night but peace today. Thumbs up Carolyn. Nora

  9. Kathy M. says:

    I can relate so much to this. I remember that feeling I used to get every time the phone rang. My daughter would often call me, just like this. And then the next day everything would be fine. I’d be all rattled and distracted, and it was almost like she had forgotten all about it, whatever “it” was… But I did learn that if I stayed out of things, she’d eventually find her own solution. Hugs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s