Once upon a time

Ready to jump. Age 9

Getting ready to sing onstage at a gala. Age 11

Singing lessons. Age 14

Once upon a time 21 years ago I went into a very quick (6 hours) and painful labour. Painful because I would accept no pain killers, no epidural, no nothing. I wanted everything to be perfect for my baby. I was so very naive.

It was tough at first. I was only 22 and far away from my family. My husband was never home. He was either out working or out using. The only person I knew in the city was my sister in law. I didn’t have a car and didn’t know the bus system. And my poor baby cried. She cried and cried and cried. After I had done everything I could think of to soothe her I would lay her down in her crib and listen to her wail as I banged my head against the floor and sobbed. It’s kind of funny isn’t it, how 21 years later I am still doing the same thing (metaphorically speaking) and so is she…

After a few weeks and a visit from Gramma things calmed down. And got better. My husband was still never around and when he was all we did was fight about his using, but overall life improved. I had a wonderful baby girl who demanded all of my time and attention, so I didn’t have time to think about anything else.

H was a daredevil when she was growing. The crazy kid who rollerbladed down the stairs, was the youngest kid to jump off a certain cliff on the island where we vacationed, she sang on stage and acted in plays.

How did it happen? How did we go from “once upon a time and happily ever after” to “exit light, enter night, take my hand, we’re off to never never land”.

I’m praying for my daughter today, on her 21st birthday. I’m praying and hoping that she can find her happily ever after and the Sandman leaves her alone and stays far, far away.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Once upon a time

  1. Helga says:

    Happy Birthday to your pretty daughter. Maybe God be with her and with you on her special day and guide her back to the right path. I know how hard it is, I dread the special days and holidays without my daughter. It’s been two years since I have talked to her. I hope you can find some joy on her birthday.

  2. Dawn McCoy says:

    send me an email to fractalmom1@gmail.com with your email address and i will add you.


  3. Barbara says:

    We never would have believed it as we held our newborns that something so tragic could happen to them. I wish your daughter a happy birthday and you a happy “21 years ago giving birth” day.

  4. heathersmom1 says:

    What a beautiful post of her life, and beautiful sentiments for her future. Happy birthday to her today.
    God bless you both.

  5. Kathy M. says:

    I’m praying for your daughter, too. And for you. Hugs.

  6. Cat says:

    Hang in there. I hear you and am wishing you and your daughter the very best.

  7. Cheri says:

    Adding my prayers to everyone’s.

    Hang in there, Mom.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s