Have any of you ever actually said that to your child? Or thought I? Because I’m thinking it right now and wish that I had the courage to say it. Just to get some peace, at least for awhile.
I’ve already gotten two calls since Thursday. The first came late Thursday night and that one wasn’t too bad. Except that she asked for money. She said she needed shorts, that the ones she had were too short and she couldn’t wear them because the place is coed. Then it was on to the running shoes. And another phone card. And her lip ring fell out. And could I send her 200 dollars. It made me want to scream. I didn’t even get 24 hours of peace before it started.
Yesterday’s call really did me in though. First she stated that she hated it and everyone there was stupid. Typical new rehab thing I know but it makes my anxiety go through the roof. I find myself falling into the fear of her leaving. When I told her that I’d mailed her some envelopes and stamps she said she didn’t need any stupid stamps she needed me to send her a clock so that she wouldn’t get demerits for being late for stuff. She asked me why I couldn’t send her something useful. It made me want to reach through the phone and slap her. Arrogant, selfish little brat.
Then came the kicker…she started to cry and told me she was pregnant. At first I couldn’t say anything. She said she went to the drugstore with one of the girls who had her “wings” and bought a test and it came back positive. I don’t know what to believe. This has actually happened before where she said that she had had a positive test, but it turned out she was lying and when I had her do one right in front of me, it was negative. On the other hand she was pregnant last summer and had an abortion. (Sorry Mom if your reading this) I just told her to talk to her counsellor about it and have him make an appointment with a doctor up there to do another test. That’s when she hung up on me.
I don’t know what to think, do or feel. These kids are SO STUPID. I don’t want to raise another child. I’ve already raised 5 of my own, mostly by myself. And I’m not even done yet, my youngest is only twelve. I don’t want to have to deal with the consequences of her actions anymore. If she is pregnant and does have this baby, who the hell is going to pick up the pieces if she starts using again? I couldn’t leave any baby or child in a bad situation let alone my own grandchild.
I’m just really, really mad right now. And I don’t want to talk to her at the moment. So I wish I had the courage to say those words. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. Just for now.