I had to leave M’s (my 13 yr. old daughter) band concert last night to pick H up from the bus depot downtown. I hated having to do it and I felt (of course) extremely guilty, even though her stepfather was there so she did have someone watching. I know that she understood but I’m sure that a small part of her felt hurt.
H was in a good mood when I picked her up. She said her trip went well, other than the one issue at her grandparents house and with her Dad. She looked good, having gained some weight in the past week. She had taken a few pictures which she was eager to share and it seems that the boyfriend’s parents liked her which is nice. H said that she hopes that she gets into the treatment facility up north because she likes it there.
BUT. It feels as though the second she walks through the door everyone gets their backs up. She expects every person in the house to gravitate towards her and her needs, her desires. Seriously, it’s hard on everyone. Do this with me, do this for me, look at me, me, me, me.
Sigh. It’s exhausting. She walks in the door, dumps her stuff on the floor, kicks the boys off the tv, whines because no one will watch a movie with her, monopolizes the phone, makes herself something to eat (more than once), leaves her dishes scattered everywhere and doesn’t pick up her garbage. All before 10:30 pm.
I know it’s petty, because at least she’s not using right? But it’s not okay. It’s just not fair to everyone else who lives in this house. So I’ve got to talk to her today. I don’t know quite how to deal with this though. If any of my other kids acted like this there would be consequences. But what in the world can her consequences be? She’s an adult, not a child. And I don’t feel like I can kick her out right now. She’s waiting to get a treatment bed. By the end of May, beginning of June we’re now being told. I know that her chance of relapse is less here. (At least at this point.) Mind you, if she does relapse while she is here I’ve told her that she will be OUT.
The old patterns of behaviour will surely reassert themselves and within no time I will be manipulated into doing things I don’t want to do. Take me to the movies, take me shopping, take me to lunch, drive me here, drive me there…”I’m trying to stay clean Mom.” She’s bored, she’s lonely, she’s frustrated or angry and it’s apparently my job to fix it. The implication being that I’m an awful mother if I don’t do these things to ‘help’ her.
I feel as though I’m spinning around and aound all ready and she hasn’t even been home for 24 hours. Not too sure how I’m going to cope.