On a bus headed north

She was released from detox on Sunday and was here when I got home from work. Instant hyper-vigilance mode… That’s what it feels like when she is around and is/has been using. I am so hyper aware that it wears me out. Trying to sniff out the lies, trying to see the remorse. Really, you’d think I’d know better.

Anyway, the days have passed. She has called four or five different treatment facilities and we have faxed her assessment from detox to them. Last night she had a phone interview with a long term facility about 4 hours from here. They said she may be able to get in as early as next week.

Today I put her on a bus headed north. She’s going to stay with her paternal grandparents until Friday and then bus up to Timmins to spend the weekend with her boyfriend at his parents house. She has her return ticket. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m worried…her boyfriend is in recovery himself and he relapsed about a month ago. But it is what it is.

Right now, I just have to remember to breathe. That’s all. Just breathe.

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6 Responses to On a bus headed north

  1. heathersmom1 says:

    Whew… That’s what’d I’d be doing right now too – Breathing! Just letting out a sigh and probably take the “night off” (translate escape in a tv show or mystery book). Take care of yourself, whether you worry or not won’t change whether or not she and the bf relapse this weekend. There will be time enough to worry IF it happens. (If you’re like me, you’ll worry, give it to God, worry, Give it to God, worry, give it to God…)
    I hope a bed does become available next week – that would be great!
    In the meanwhile, take care of YOU.
    God bless.

  2. cdcb says:

    Worry, give it to God, worry, give it to God, worry, give it to God…LOL
    What a familiar song!
    Thanks for the support. It helps enormously.

  3. Barbara says:

    Sometimes that’s all we can do, and its frustrating because as mom’s our natural tendency is to “help” or “fix it”. Yet when it comes to addiction there is so little we can do. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I know the worry. Glad to have found your blog and will be reading along hoping and praying for your daughters recovery.

  4. Helga says:

    You might find some good info and like minded souls on Tom’s website http://junkjunk.ning.com/ We have open chat on Monday nite at 9. It is a good place to connect with other parents and loved ones of addicts. Just know that you are not alone.

  5. Renee says:

    I know the hyper-vigilance thing, always playing the “cop” when my son is in my home. It is so exhausting and unhealthy and it makes it that much harder to take good care of myself. I know the worry, give it to God song also;) I am a worry wart, but am working on that and trying to stay present and give it all to God…so we will keep singing the song until the only verse is Give it to God. I hope you rest and take really good care of you.

  6. Cat says:

    I have to always remind myself that it is out of my hands, not in my control and not my choice.

    Sniffing out the lies and deception though, I’d say like you, I am better at that than I ever wanted to be.

    Sending good wishes.

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