It’s funny how, as time goes on, I find myself obsessing less and less about H. How and what she is doing is no longer within my sphere of control.
I still do worry at times…like when she admits to still using oxy’s even though they don’t get her high anymore, she can’t function physically without them. Or when she tells me she is still drinking. Or that she is being sexually harrassed at work and will only “think” about filing charges because she’s scared to do so. Or that they haven’t replaced the window in their apartment (from when they got robbed a couple of weeks ago) and it’s cold and now she is sick.
As a mother, how could I not worry? So I do but only for a bit. Then I can let it go. God has looked after her so far. All I can do is pray he continues.
As mothers, we’ll never stop worrying about our children, I guess. But when is that concern appropriate and not obsessive? When I’m out with my adult children, I find myself wanting to buy them little things here and there that I think they need. But this is different from wanting my addict ‘child’s’ life to be different – and doing things that is essentially enabling, like getting their apartment water and power turned back on, fixing a broken window for them that was broken during a brawl or was damaged when they broke it themselves to let themselves in. Good for you, C, that you are having success at letting go. But it’s so difficult, isn’t it? Let Go and Let God is practical wisdom from AA. Thinking of you.
I think mothers are wired to worry, but for mothers of addicts it takes on a whole new dimension which can suck the life out of you because we have very legitimate things to worry about. That’s why its good when we can let go. And it does seem to get easier as time goes on.
“Time Heals All Wounds” … I believe that is the saying. I think even with our addicted children it is true. Once we accept that we can’t “love them clean” (oh, how I wish we could), it seems that we start to slowly let go of the day-to-day dramas; and if weare successful in giving that to God, hallelujah!
In reality, this is probably the message that we need to give to new parents that join “our group.” Their addicts may never get better (some will and it is mostly in degrees of wellness), but time heals all wounds and our obsession will decrease over time.
I just found your blog. I thank God for you and the other bloggers every day who have helped me get through this last year of constant worry. Some days I can forget about it all very few of them. My daughter has been clean since 1/6/10 but I still worry when she is out even if she is with her NA friends. Her circle is mostly NA people at this point in her life. She tried dating a few months ago but just broke it off bc he didnt understand her addiction and why she couldnt just stop. I cant blame him bc some of my family doesnt even get it but at least she had knew to break it off. All positives. I try to take the positives and focus on them but the mother in all of us comes out from time to time. Guess we were made to worry. Anyway thanks for putting your stories out there for the rest of us. Hugs to you.
I hope you are doing well! Please give us an update. I pray all is well.